My Books

Buy one of my books... Available above at Amazon. Also available at SmashWords, Barnes & Noble and iTunes

Thursday, March 17, 2011

The Gwillville Mafia

I thought I'd give you a sample from my latest release Fergus Fedderfeeny's Food Factory today and introduce you to the infamous 'Gwillvill Mafia.' Enjoy the sample:

Hamish nodded and walked through to the back and climbed the stairs that led up to Shagoonda’s private apartment above the shop. As he opened the door that led into the living room he saw the brother and sister team that was obviously the ‘Gwillville Mafia’. “Hello there,” he said, nodding an acknowledgement to them both. “I’m Hamish.”

“Yeah,” said the dummy, a mid-height lad not much older than his early twenties. His hair was nearly cropped off completely and a scar ran down the left-hand side of his forehead practically reaching to his ear. Hamish turned and faced the lady and smiled again.

“Nice t’meet ya,” the lady said. She was tall and gangly, slightly older than her brother, Hamish guessed, with long blonde hair hanging loose. She was chewing gum and wearing a short skirt that barely covered her legs at all.

“Hello,” Hamish stammered, trying not to stare at the lady.

“You got a problem or summat?” the dummy interrupted.

Hamish turned to face him and smiled. “No, not at all. It’s…”

“Don’t mind ’im. He’s got no manners.” The lady crossed towards him and extended a hand. “I’m Sofia. And this is me bruvver, Stockley.”

Hamish shook hands with Sofia and glanced at Stockley again.

“Yeah,” Stockley nodded at Hamish.

“I see you’ve all met then?” Shagoonda said, arriving from downstairs. “Shall we get straight down to business?”

Hamish reluctantly let go of Sofia’s hand and she returned to sit next to her brother on the couch, crossing her legs as she sat. Hamish remained standing. “I have a small job that I need doing. Furtively, mind you. Are you sure you can be furtive?”

“There ain’t nuffin we can’t make if we got the right stuff.”

“He means secret, Stockley. Secretively.”


Hamish continued. “I need you to kidnap someone for me and take them to my warehouse north of the docks.”

“What’s in it for us?” Sofia asked.


“Stockley!” Sofia gritted her teeth as she chastised her brother. She turned to face Hamish again. “How much ya paying?”

“I was thinking two hundred duckets. One hundred now and another hundred on delivery of the package.”

“We gotta kidnap a package?” Stockley asked, confused.

Sofia punched Stockley hard on the arm. “Shut it,” She said. “Four ’undred. It’s gotta be dangerous else you wouldn’t ’ave called us.”

“Two hundred and fifty.”

“Free ’undred.”

“Three hundred it is then. Same goes as before. One hundred now and the rest when I get the package.”

“Alright. What’s the package?”

Available at Amazon, Barnes & Noble and Smashwords

Fergus Fedderfeeny's Food Factory by Paul Dorset. $2.99 from
Farnsworth is worried. Bags of the Food Factory’s vegetables are definitely missing! What will his boss, Fergus Fedderfeeny, say when he finds out? Then there’s the wonderful tasting pies. He doesn’t know how the recipes got changed or if it’s because of the missing vegetables. Armed with a toolbox of hammers & staying well away from The Mangler, Farnsworth is going to solve the mystery.*** READ 25% FOR FREE ***


  1. I love your rendition of Sophia's accent. Utterly charming and believable.

  2. Sue Ricci posting as No One...

    Very cute, John, best wishes with it. Love the accents! I have them pictured in my mind like the tavern couple from Les Miss! :)