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Monday, September 26, 2011

Reacting To Negative Comments

From time to time there are people that either intentionally or unintentionally hurt your ego. A post here, a comment there and suddenly you react with anger. You want to say something in return. You want your five minutes...

We've all been there and it's the hardest thing to do nothing at all in response. But usually that's what we need to do. The person that posted the original words would love the opportunity to start a flaming war, so step back and be the bigger person and let it go.

Instead, concentrate on those people that have stopped by and said nice things about the work you do. Those people outnumber the others anyway. Remind yourself that, by and large, the world is populated with nice mannered people. There's only a small percentage of the other types out there.

Phew! I feel better already. Take a deep breath and continue to have a great day today.

20 comments:

  1. I couldn't agree with you more.

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  2. Great point! I love your sign "Be Nice Or Leave" :-)

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  3. Actually I enjoy any kind of constructive criticism. While this, too is blurring sometimes and is open to interpretation I prefer negative constructive criticism to "great article" / "splendid poem" and similar without details. They are often dishonest and as deep as mud.

    And at best you learn nothing from them. At worst they confuse you, especially if you are a young, inexperienced artist.

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  4. I couldn't agree with you more!! Thanks for posting!

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  5. Having someone endlessly agree and praise your work is false pride. A good discussion of direction, brand and a uniform concept delivery is good.

    When you are always in your comfort zone there is no growth.

    David Pylyp
    Living in Toronto

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  6. David, I agree that "when you are always in your comfort zone there is no growth" but I didn't read Paul's post to be abour constructive and fair criticism.

    Paul speaks of "flame wars" (who coined that awful term, anyway) so I read he is speaking more of deliberately harassing style posts.

    For example, if I get a comment abusing me for marrying an asylum seeker, that is not constructive criticism. If, on the other hand, someone suggests I take a different direction with my book, I will certainly give it consideration.

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  7. As others have said, this post was really about the ill-mannered 'flamers' that stop by from time to time - not the constructive criticism types. Deep breaths and another cup of coffee help. :-)

    Hope you're all having a great weekend!

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  8. I try to remember the book "The Four Agreements" especially the chapter called "Don't Take Things Personally." When people are unkind, cruel or hurtful to you, it's NEVER really about you - it's about them. About their need to make someone else feel small. You've got the right approach here,though I agree it's not always easy...

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  9. call me naive but I don't understand why anyone would make unpleasant statements anyway. If I disagreed with something I read, and if I cared enough, I'd respond appropriately. If I didn't care enough I wouldn't comment. Anyone who sets out to hurt in this context should imo be ignored.

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  10. Cheers to deep comments and interesting honest observations over the shallow 4 letter word comments in both directions; good or lame. :)

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  11. Great Post! Encouraging people help us through life and learning to encourage others helps even more!

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  12. Very well said. Thank you for sharing your deep breath and exhale!

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  13. Seems that the better your writing, the more flames you attract (there is a tiny clique of gleeful literary flamers, I'm assured by some well-regarded authors).

    Best not to feed trolls - before or after midnight - perhaps thank them for their assassination attempt if you can rise above the situation.

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  14. Just what I needed to hear. I have a lot of haters on my blog who ignore 99% of what I write and look for one tiny little word to freak out about.

    On one hand, though, the haters bring more interest and more readers - so I do appreciate them.

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  15. I discovered my spam folder contained some hating posts the other day. After being a bit shocked (I'm a bit soft really) - I felt crazy new love for the spam folder. Won't be peeking in there again for a while.

    I think it is easier to ignore or at least not bite.

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  16. Wow. I needed to hear this today. Thanks SO much for reminding me to focus on the people who enjoy my posts and not to waste my time with the haters.

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  17. After recent comments I re-read this post again today, more than one year after it was originally written. The words are still true and there are still some crazy people out there! To the rest of you, keep reading, keep taking deep breaths, and keep sane!

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  18. Paul this is so very true. I published my first book on Amazon and for months had only 5 Star reviews. Then, I got one critical review, and THAT'S the one I commented on, defending my work. As soon as I pushed send, I realized the terrible mistake I made--giving attention to the negative and overlooking the positive comments that outweighed it by far. I decided to comment on all the positive reviews as well to express my thanks. And when Mr. Critic replied to my response with, surprise surprise, more criticism, I thanked him for his opinion and for what I learned from it. That was the end of that.

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  19. I needed to read this when you posted the link on twitter earlier today. Thanks.

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